Why We Don't Celebrate Columbus Day

I'm in school.

I just took a math test.

But what I really should be doing is chillaxing at home, with my shoes kicked off and YouTube pounding in my ears. 

Nope. 

No such luck.

Apparently, our school doesn't celebrate Christopher Columbus Day. Which really sucks, because we had a day off on Friday, and it would have been pretty awesome if I could lounge around at home for four days instead of three. 

But they don't. 

Why? I still have no idea. 

But you know what? I'm going to make up a theory on why our school doesn't celebrate Mr. Columbus.

Let's see...what's our mascot? Oh, right the Apaches.

According to Wikipedia, the Apaches are "culturally related Native American tribes from the Southwestern United States".

Ok, cool.

But do you remember what's written on every fourth grade textbook about Mr. Columbus?

He was looking for India for gold and spices and stuff. Then a stupid idea came to him: "Why don't we try going around the globe to India? It certainly can't be a bigger trip than it would be by land. I certainly don't know if I might fall off the Earth 'cause there's no proof it's round. Might as well risk my life!"

And that, reader, was how Christopher Columbus first came up with the famous idea of YOLO.

Anyways, the dude didn't realize that there was an ENTIRE FREAKING CONTINENT lying in his way. Eh, can't really blame him - it's not like he knew. But once he got there, he just assumed that "Oh look, this must be India. I mean, the trees look different, the people have different facial features, and they don't have gold or spices...but this must be India."

*Me silently shaking my head*

He....was such an idiot.

So what does this git do? He called them Indians.These poor Native Americans have no idea what it meant, so they went with it.

So the Native Americans are like nice to him and give him stuff, and how does he pay them back? BY ENSLAVING THEM. Not to mention he and his cronies also passed along a bunch of diseases.

To add insult to the injury, what did Mr. Columbus do? He claimed America for his own.

Auuuuuuggggghhhhhhhhhh.

He's such an IDIOT.

Anyways, let's get back to the whole Apache stuff. Since it's insulting to call Native Americans "Indians", I think our school banned Columbus Day because of that. Who would celebrate the day the plague was introduced to Native Americans?

No one.

But the school didn't think it would be fair that every other school had a holiday while we were suckers stuck in school. So what did they do? They changed the holiday date to Friday, so no one had any harsh feelings.

Thus, I close my case on why Columbus Day doesn't exist in our school.