Toddlers

Last night was...well, busy.

I was in San Diego for a birthday party for this toddler, who's the daughter of one of my parent's family friends. Let's call her...Mimi? It's close enough to her pet name. She was turning four this year.

You see, I've always seen four as "the devil's year". It's usually the time where kids think they have all the power and stars wreaking havoc in public. I have a younger brother and much younger cousins, so I know this thing happens with every kid.

Anyways, I get there, and immediately I realize it's themed "Moana". Honestly, every kid's obsessed with her these days - Elsa has been forgotten! Her parents went above and beyond, giving everyone flower necklaces and Hawaiian pizza and punch and everything. It looked amazing.

The downside of it all?

The mass amount of toddlers running around.

I'd forgotten that this was a kid's birthday. So, of course, there would be other kids to enjoy cake and pizza with her. As it turned out, Mimi's mom had invited a bunch of moms who also had toddlers the same age as Mimi. Remember when I said four's the devil? Well, it had just turned from party to the underworld.

I don't know what Mimi's parents were thinking. For one, this party was on the terrace, where there's four-foot-deep pool. Not to mention the location consisted of two rooms, indoor and out, and once the door closed on you while you were inside, there was no way out unless someone opened it from outdoors.

So we arrive at this party at around maybe 7:00 pm. What happens immediately after: My parents are pushed to the adult section, my brother finds these two other boys around his age, and I'm left with maybe ten toddlers running and screaming and crying.

I'm not even joking. The second I got there, I got pulled to the side by Mimi's mom, who asked me, "Can you look after all these toddlers?"

Me: "Uhhh...."

Mimi's Mom: "You're the best! Take care of them, and make sure they don't go outside!"

At first, I thought she was joking. But that was before she closed the door on me.

And so there I was.

Stranded with a bunch of sniveling children.

I'd reckon it's one of the leading causes of death.

At first, things were more or less ok. The kids all found themselves playing tag, and there was nothing but giggles and screams. I didn't really have to do anything - not like I could. These guys are as fast as lightning - I don't think anyone can keep up with them. After all the pizza and cake, it was quite obvious they were all on a sugar hype.

Something I didn't mention before about the indoor room: it isn't exactly a kid's friendly room. The place was designed for holding important meetings and businesses. There was an empty space with green fabric benches in a circle. The walls surrounding it weren't walls at all but instead see-through glass that had those fancy meeting rooms and offices. In fact, on that particular day, there were people inside, working on Apple laptops and looking important.

And of course, that empty space was exactly where all the toddlers wanted to play.

I tried to stop them, I really did, but they were just too fast. I even tried the floor-is-lava trick, but no avail:

Me: Ok guys, STOP RIGHT THERE.

*stops running, surprising me a little"

Me: *taken aback* Er...let's add a rule to your game of tag. You see this line? *makes an imaginary line with foot* You can't cross it because the floor is lava.

All of a sudden this smart-alecky toddler steps up.

Smart-alecky Kid: But it isn't lava.

Me: *desperately* No, but you can pretend it is!

Kid: It isn't though. I'll prove it to you. *dodges my hand trying to block her and steps into "the lava"* See, there's nothing wrong with it. Let's keep PLAYING!

*I get trampled by a bunch of little feet*

 I don't know if the walls of the meeting rooms were soundproof or not. I sure hope they were. These kids were screaming like banshees, and there was nothing in my power I could do to stop them. Keep in mind I couldn't call their parents because I was literally locked inside. I got a lot of stink eyes from the people inside.

Let's move on to something even more traumatic: crying toddlers. After a while of tag, Mimi got sick of playing and started to have a tantrum by falling on the floor and bawling. I had to stop the game and make everyone else play something else for her sake. But of course, she wasn't satisfied with that. Eventually, most of the kids except this one little boy ditched her and started playing on their own. This boy - let's call him Alphas - tells Mimi, "If you play a race with me, then I'll be your best friend forever and ever." It was adorable. Sniffling, Mimi agreed and went with him.

Mimi's parents gave everyone these blue plastic dolphins, so Mimi and Alphas decided they would see who could throw it the furthest. Both flung it, and Mimi's hit a nearby table while Alphas' flew past it. Immediately Mimi started to scream on top of her lungs. I tried to comfort her, telling her that "it was just a game", but no progress. Then guess what sweet little Alphas does? He goes up to her, with both their dolphins in hand, and tells Mimi, "It's ok Mimi, you won! Whoever hits the table wins!" That stopped her tears.

They played many more rounds, and every time Mimi would lose and start crying, Alphas would tell her, "Mimi you won and I lost! Don't cry!"

It was so sweet.

There are many more events that happened that night, but I don't know if you as a reader want to hear it all. What happens to the toddlers? Did anyone fall into the pool? Did you lose anyone? You see, I'd continue, but I don't know if you'd want to hear it end.

If you want to hear about the rest of the night, I'll write it after at least three comments, and your curiosity will be satisfied!

All in all, the lesson of the night was: if someone offers to lock you in a room with d̶e̶v̶i̶l̶s̶  toddlers, say no.