Vent it out: Why We All Need To Rant

That's right everyone, I'm back and I'm kicking. 

I know I've been quite inactive for the last several months. I could list out so many reasons why - the SAT, AP Testing, writing a 70,000 page novel, studying for multiple certification tests, stressing about college - the list can go on. But I'm sure no one wants to hear the full details, and a lot of it has been taken care of anyways. I'm just glad I survived junior year and made it into senior year - they say junior year is the toughest year to pass through, and I get why everyone says that now. 

I'll be honest for a moment here - if most of y'all couldn't tell before, then let me let you know now - this blog is more of a place where I come to rant out the frustrations I see in my everyday life. Maybe that's why I didn't really pick up when quarantine came around - quarantine allowed me to feel the most at-peace I'd felt in a really long time. As much as I complained about it, I have to admit - it felt good to press pause and take the backseat for once. 

Anyways, I'm back now. School is in full session for me again - completely online, of course. It's odd to navigate through this crazy time - online school feels oddly congested. Does anyone else feel that way? It makes me a bit nervous - how am I going to handle everything if I can't reach out to anyone the same way? I also have to deal with this on top of college applications (still haven't started, nor do I know how to), not to mention I miss messing around the school hallways after school or during lunch with my friends like I could in the past. Nevertheless, this is probably for the better - hopefully, this year goes okay. 

I could go on, but obviously that isn't the topic of the day. Rather, I'm here to talk about something we've all done in our lifestyles - vent. To those who might be confused by what I mean, venting is when you let loose and tell someone else (or multiple people) about what's going on in your head - usually negative thoughts. Venting is completely healthy, and I encourage everyone to do it. It allows you to clear your head, and something about telling someone else about your problems lifts a weight you didn't know you had off of your shoulders. 

Of course, this is easier said than done. Venting isn't something that naturally to everyone...while for others it comes a bit too naturally. There's no "right way" to vent, but sometimes you still have to be cautious. What I'm trying to say is, when one feels like telling something to someone, most people have three options: bottle it up, to let it out, or to straight up complain without end. There's are crucial differences to all three, and I think it's important to understand each. 

But before I can get into that, I want to lay out two very important terms. When it comes to venting, the most common scenario is when you rant to friends. Sometimes it can be your family, sometimes coworkers, and sometimes even strangers. Venting can happen one of two ways - in person, or through text. With quarantine, I imagine a lot of it is happening through text, or by calling someone on the phone. Now that we've established that, let's move on to the next thing. You see, before every vent, there are clear positions laid out between each party. For now, I'll explain a two-person vent situation.

In a two person situation, there are always two positions: on one hand, you have the ventor. Yes, I'm aware it isn't a real word, but it's the best way to put it. The name itself should make it clear - the ventor is the one who's doing the complaining, whether it's after a hard day of work or simply out of frustration. On the other hand, you have the ventee. The ventee is the one that listens to the ventor with patience, before giving condolences or advice. Often times, people may feel like they are more like one or the other - the vast majority choose to believe that they serve as the ventee in every situation. Although this may be a skewed opinion, it's what their mind chooses to believe. 

Are you curious about which one you are? Here's a small list of things that each position does - see which one identify with more. If you identify with more than three of the five on either position, then congrats - you probably are one of them! If you identify with both, then congratulations again - you're a good-mannered human and a great friend!

Ventor: 

1. I tend to feel better after telling someone about my problems
2. I am comfortable with my friends and talk to them openly 
3. When I get frustrated, the first thing I do is call/text someone about it
4. I appreciate it when someone listens to me and my problems 
5. I am uncomfortable with bottling up my problems - it's easier to tell someone

Ventee: 

1. I like listening to other people's problems
2. I feel like I'm a "therapist" at times - I like consoling other people
3. I enjoy giving advice to other people
4. It makes me happier when I'm able to help out a friend during a tough situation
5. I would feel bad if a friend isn't comfortable telling me about their problems

I personally identify as a ventee. A ventee isn't always someone who simply listens to problems; rather, they act as a support to others when they can. I have plenty of friends who I feel are more naturally ventors, and there's nothing wrong with that - venting is what they feel is healthy, and I'm more than glad to listen. Of course, the most ideal is to be able to identify as both - this balance between friends is what makes friendships the strongest. Unfortunately, there are always obstacles that can interfere with this - and it's neither person's fault. Rather, it's more important to acknowledge and learn from it, which is why I'm writing about it. Remember how I mentioned that people tend to do one of three things: bottling up, venting it, and straight up complaining about it? Let's go more in depth on each one. See if you identify as any of them. 

Bottling it up: Ah, this one hits home for me, because it's something I do often, even though I try to combat it. The second you're faced with a problem, you try to push it away and not let anyone know about it. It's not that you don't want them to know - you're just scared to let others know it. This is your "noble" approach - why bother people with your problems when you can just swallow it up and solve it on your own? Sure, it sounds great, but this is honestly really unhealthy in practice. It's like you're a soda can - you can keep it all in as someone or something keeps shaking you over and over again, but one day you'll get to your boiling point and explode. And the explosion may not always be pretty. This is why it's important to let loose and try to let someone else know how you're feeling. If this is too hard for you, you can also try to simply write it down somewhere. After all, that was the original purpose of my blog. Whatever you do, don't sit in the pain alone - it's okay to feel sad by yourself sometimes, but it's dangerous when it starts to consume you. Open up to someone, anyone - I promise you that there is someone there to listen to you. 

Venting: This is ideal. This is what you want to aim for, and it's what most people can do. Ranting out your problems to someone else will feel good in the end, and it might even let you find a solution quicker. There's no other way to put it: this is what you want - no, need - to do if you want to stay healthy and happy. 

Complaining: This is venting gone too far. There is no "time limit" to venting and there's no thing as venting too much, but it's rather focused on how you treat others. This usually happens when there's a severe unbalance between the ventor and the ventee. In other words, it's when the ventor vents nonstop, without asking how the ventee is doing or checking up on them in another way. These kinds of people are rarer, but they do exist. They simply don't know where to stop. I don't know many people like this, but I know that there are people out there. If you feel like you are like this, then it's good that you at least were to identify yourself! Think about the last time you've asked a friend how they were doing and checked up on them - that alone should tell you enough about how you use your friendship. If you can see a clear shift of balance, then those are red lights - it's time for you to change something. Focus on your conversations and see who it tends to focus on - you want to ideally make sure your partner has time to talk. There are always ways out of this pattern, although it might not always be easy. If your friend naturally bottles things up, then that makes it harder to find the proper balance - make sure the both of you address the issues found and work through it. 

There you go, the three "styles" of venting. In a way, me writing all of this out was a vent in itself - there are certain things going on that got me thinking about my friendships, which is why I felt that it was important to point out this pattern. Now that it's written out, it feels a lot clearer in my head too. 

But yes, this is it. If you relate to any of these and you feel "attacked" about it, I promise you, that's not what I'm doing - I'm only trying to reveal something that I've noticed going through so many different types of friendships for the past six years. It isn't something you should obsess over, and you should take what I say with a grain of salt - this is just how my head works. Either way, I hope it made some sense to you - maybe it'll even help you become a better person. At least, that's what I hope you get out of this. 

It's getting late now, so I'm heading out. Thanks for tuning into another article (it's been forever, I know) - and I'll try my best to stay active. Recently my Spanish teacher has been getting on my nerves..something tells me I'll have a very interesting rant post about her soon. So stay tuned!

Until next time, 

Ganga